Clothes make the man

I’m not sure to whom this quote is attributed, but I would also add that they make the woman as well. Humans, as I have discussed before, love boxes and labels. Many people want to make our world as boring as possible by shunning those who try to live as themselves. We are conditioned to be locked into ways to dress, style or color our hair, wear make-up, not having tattoos or piercings beyond what is defined as acceptable. Then, when shit really comes out of the norm and into the realm of “eccentric”, people freak out and start talking about that person being a little “off” aka crazy. After all, sane people wear the same clothes as everyone else, shop at the same stores, and their lives are as boring as homes in the movie “Edward Scissorhands”. A rather good movie supporting this point, I must say.

Let’s look at a potential scenario, and please feel free to tell me I am wrong here. I would love to move somewhere that people are truly accepted for being themselves.

A new teacher walks in for an interview at a school, her resume is outstanding. Top honors in college and her teaching exam scores rank in the highest range. She has a masters degree and is highly qualified in the subject area they are looking to fill and her professor recommendations are exceptional. The administration is ecstatic to have this person in the pool of potential candidates. Her resume and qualifications far exceed every other candidate. The teacher walks into the office for her interview stylishly dressed. An outfit, that is modest, but classy yet just on the edge of what is considered “normal”. With respect to my more artistic friends who would dress this way, her outfit would be runway fabulous in an understated elegant way. Her hair is also artistically styled, but a lovely shade of purple. Her piercings are modestly understated and fitting for an interview. Her tattoos covered by the sleeves of her jacket.

I’m one of those people who fall into the category of my favorite clothes that make me feel human involve jeans and a t-shirt or hoodie, but I know, love, and respect people who are able to express themselves as they are especially if they are the way I described above. We all know how this is going to play out. The school office assistant will, in shock, show her in to the interview room. Hopefully the secretary will have enough decorum to not sit there gapping with her mouth open like a fish. Then immediately run to the others in the office and start talking about her. “You won’t believe who just walked in for an interview!” will be the talk of the office before the interview is concluded.

Meanwhile, the administrators, hopefully also with decorum, will mentally be screaming “Hell no” as they warmly shake her hand. Without decorum, we know that goes far worse. (I’d like to give everyone manners even if I can’t take away prejudice in my stories.) They will go through the interview process, probably staring in disbelief at the interviewee because, in their sheltered lives, they have probably never seen someone like this before. Interview over, the formalities of “Thank you for coming” and “We will get back to you as soon as we have finished interviewing the rest of the candidates” are said and the potential teacher walks out, past the now open doors of every other worker in the office who are trying to act casual as they stare out their doors or pretend to leave their office on some pretense of work. In her car, she may have that sinking moment when she realizes that her chances of getting this job are slim.

Administration now faces the reality of their dilemma. This is the most qualified applicant they have, maybe even have had for a while, but what will the parents think? How will the students react? Can we hire a “freak” or should we ask her to completely change her appearance as a condition of taking on the job? In other words, the debate begins of do you accept someone who is outside of the norm or do you not?

This is just a story. It has likely happened many times before. The setting was different, the job was different, the gender was different. Even the appearance was different. Because I am talking about individuals. The opportunity for discrimination is the only commonality. Opportunity. I choose that word because discrimination in ANY form is just that, a choice. Society and family can condition us all they want to, but I have known too many people who were able to walk away from that conditioning and make their own choices. We should define ourselves. 

That is something so easy to say and so difficult to live in this world. Let’s face it, in the scenario above, this woman is likely not to be hired simply because of her appearance if she refuses to change it. That presumes they contact her and ask her to do so. Doing that opens them up to a potential lawsuit, which doesn’t solve the problem. Would you want to work for a company you had to sue in order for them to hire you? I would think that situation would be awkward at best. I do not mean to say that all jobs are this way, but even when I have worked in jobs with people who are “outside the norm” all I hear is the narrow minded talking behind their backs. In my own workplace, people even talk about the parents! “Can you believe how revealing that woman’s outfit was?”, “All that mom wears are ‘mom jeans’ and t-shirts!” (What I hear in my head) “How dare that person come on our campus, send their child here, and dress or style their hair that way?” (Don’t even get me started on their discussions of parental lifestyle choices.) If that’s how a person expresses themself and lives and doesn’t try to force others to do the same, then how is that someone else’s problem? It isn’t; that is the entire point!

Something only becomes a problem when other people are forced to do the same. “I wear khaki pants on Friday therefore the entire world should wear khaki pants on Friday and I am going to make sure that anyone who fails to wear khaki pants feels miserable and is excluded until they comply” That is a problem…hmm…is anyone else seeing the real problem here? The woman with purple hair and piercings isn’t walking around staring at people who aren’t dressed as she is. It’s the other people, the ones dressed the same and staring at her, who are the problem, but because they outnumber and control the situation, they have the power.

There was probably at least one person in that office secretly thinking, “Damn, I wish I could express myself like that and not lose my job.” I think there are always a few people in the crowd of gawkers who feel that way. Maybe it isn’t because they love that person’s hair or fashion sense, but maybe it’s because that person has the confidence to be herself in public and not bow to the majority.

I’ve been excluded for a lot of reasons, most of the time it’s because of how I think, not for a different hair color or dressing like a rock star, maybe it would be easier to accept exclusion if it was something so obvious, but that never really has been my style. Like I said earlier, I’m a jeans, t-shirt, hoodie type of person who likes Harry Potter, Guardians of the Galaxy, the Hobbit, and believes people should be accepted for who they really are. I’m more of a nerd than a geek really. Geeks tend to be a lot more technologically proficient than I am. It took a great deal of convincing for me to start guest blogging. I’m still a pen and paper person and I even like real books. I keep a few downloaded on my phone though for those emergency situations when I’m bored and stuck without a book. I’d love to go to work every day in jeans, not pants that require spanks or pants on the border of needing them. I could probably even get used to not wearing t-shirts all the time and wear shirts from my work collection that look good with them anyway.

These things are trivial though to how I really want to express myself. Warning the word Biblical is coming — don’t cringe I have been reading and studying to try to answer some rather difficult questions in my life. It’s conditioning I know to say this, but as an adult I believe it. My mom always taught me that everyone has a different path in life. Even if we walk on that road with companions, each of us has our own unique way. All I’d like to do is follow the Commandment in the Bible to wear tzitzit and not have to tuck them in. I hardly ever have to tuck in my shirt. Yay for that women’s fashion change! You see though, I don’t meet a lot of criteria that make that ok. I’m female, I’m not a Jew, and I am a Catholic. Absolutely nothing in Catholic teaching forbids what I want to do as long as it is for the right reasons, but in the world I live in, the thought of someone doing this is more freaky than a rainbow mohawk, piercings with chains, and tattooed sleeves. ( Maybe if I did that, no one would notice the four fringes?) It would get me fired a lot faster though. Would wearing them out get me fired, probably not, but it would make my life more of a living Hell than it already is and good recommendations are important for getting a good position at another school. I don’t want to offend anyone, I don’t want others to follow suit, I just want to be able to do something that reminds me of something very personal with G-d. It’s not easy in close fitting pants and spanks to hide knotted fringe. There is the fear all day that someone might see and recognize them. Tucking them in pockets gets me by for a quick trip to the store, but there is a huge fear they will come out of my pockets and a t-shirt hides a lot more than a dress shirt.

I’m not quitting my job for this though. I love what I do. Sometimes, I humbly think that maybe today, I made a difference for one of my kids. Some of them have no one else to protect them from the kids who will become the same adults that exclude others. Maybe if I can help them now, they will grow up to be who they are and be confident in who they are? Maybe they will become the difference makers who quietly revolutionize the way others think? It seems a small sacrifice to tuck them in to be able to do that for my kids. (In case you are wondering I have almost 800 of “my kids” from over the years) I’ve done a lot to make other people happy. Lately, because of a whole bunch of stuff I’ve been thinking about a scene from the Muppet Movie (the real one, not that abomination that came out a few years ago). Kermit is in his swamp, singing and happy when he meets a producer from Hollywood. In short, the producer convinces him to travel to Hollywood for an audition because of Kermit’s talent. He could make millions of people happy being in movies. The thought of making millions of people happy prompts him to leave his home and travel to Hollywood. He made millions of people happy a was finally happy again when he reached his goal.

I feel every day that I am giving everything I have to make millions of people happy, but I’m not. They won’t be happy with anything I do. I can’t make them happy and even worse, I am not happy. They are the majority though and they have the control because all I am is a worker who needs a job and does manage to make a lot of children happy. That should be enough, right? To know that so many love coming to see me and be in my class. To see them light up when I walk into another classroom for some reason or wave when I walk by. It does for a little while, until I see that the adults around me aren’t happy because of that. It’s just one more reminder that I am the odd one out and I can’t even do the one thing I would like — to just be me and make myself happy — but I’m working on that.